living well may be the best revenge, but it doesn't hurt that my exhusband is now dating a BEAST.
I think they gave out some kind of ugly girl scholarship I don't know about...
Vanessa Carlton's songs would be so much better if she was pretty
It's not my fault I help girls realize they're lesbians.
You tried telling the RA that girl you brought home was your mom...
No I'm not coming over. That Bob Ross drinking game is too intense.
I feel like I have streams of color and coldness wrapping around my body.
He just keeps repeating "this isn't my bagel".. i'm worried for his safety
I want a grilled cheese and an IV
He pulled his pants down and said blow me, while passing out on my bed. I then pulled his pants up as he continuously started moaning in the background.
Best thing I ever did was get a dog. She's like a living trip alarm to warn me of visitors while I'm masturbating.
I know I'm moving in six days but getting wine drunk and laying in bed just sounds so good right now
Went to a club yesterday was dirty dancing with this guy, reached back to move my hair and punched him in the face.
ANTI-GAME
I am so proud to call you my friend
As a gift to myself for being so awesome at being single, I'm going to buy a vibrator
St. Patty's shenanigans tmrw? I wanna meet dudes lol. Why stop at coronavirus when you can get the clap, too?
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