Sometimes I wonder why.. Then I realize I can't fool myself with that question bc we all know it's bc of his enormous dick
no you went to jail because you don't know how to whisper when offering a cop a blow job. I'm sure him having a chick partner didn't help.
the last call horn was blaring when I tried peeling you off the bathroom floor than you uttered "Ill take the toothless one.'
You know what i just remembered? I asked the 8 ball if i was gonna get kicked out this semester before any of this stuff happened and it said yes. ITS REAL.
You are a booty call, not a friend.
Hooked up with a guy solely because he had a chameleon. Priorities.
I just had sex in the men's bathroom of a Chinese buffet...
YOU ARE MY HERO
I was so high I didn't realize I'd put on someone else's bra. I thought my boobs had shrunk.
Played never have I ever with high schoolers today. Needless to say they brought up threesomes so I had to make a judgement call and decided to not put my finger down
Did you put Adderal in the fishtank in the lobby? The fish are acting like Olympic sprinters. Asshole.
Did you send me a cake saying 'Happy 1st One-Night Stand Ever'?
You were trying to be sexy by spraying your contact solution on your chest and telling me to lick it off
we were all too drunk to realize that the cat wasnt yours
I couldnt face her after that wonderful, terrible blowjob. Made a rope out of towels and climbed out her bathroom window.
I NEED HELP. IM TRIPPIN BAWLS IN THE BACK OF MY MOMS CAR.
Randomize
