So we stole all of the newspapers out of the stands within a 1 mile radius and filled up her car with crumpled newspaper.
Who leaves their car unlocked at night?
Someone who wants to read the newspaper.
I didnt realize my nipple ring fell out until he coughed it up.
I woke up locked in the bar...this has redefined partying.
I am not going to ask my mother to pause a movie so I can have phone sex.
Some clips from last night: grinded like I haven't since college. Took shots with a bartender with a bad ass mustache. Made up a string of lies with fake names and occupations. Slept behind the couch with pizza in my hand
You were being mean. And telling everyone to suck your six inch strap on. People were not pleased
Please be lying.
Im not. Your family was creeped out
We have bigger issues at hand... Does anybody know someone in the kalamazoo area that is missing a pair of stilts ?
What is soo wrong about a house of half-naked people hugging each other and laughing?
The pinata full of drugs?
I feel like Captain Morgan shit all over my hopes and dreams last night...
You yelled "Everybody!!! Round of applause to Jill for not doing anal!!" Right in front of him.
I'm so upset I left my sombrero at the expo center
Let's celebrate our country being screwed by screwing.
I feel like people expect me to always be a sarcastic, shade throwing drunk. And you know me, I hate to disappoint.
He's literally cuddling with the washer and dryer.
But yeah, I am thinking that "Cake Heresy" will now be a thing
Randomize
