Note to all middle aged "I totally let myself go after childbirth" frumpy mothers: I do not dress this way for your husbands. Stop looking at me like that. It's not my fault.
you told me heaven would be the 3 of us at Moe's forever and every hot girl that walked in would ask us to play stone face
The Masters... another excuse to excessivly start drinking by 1
I can hear her moaning. I'm on some random guy's counter. He wanted me to cuddle but I said I didn't know how.
Hung over does not do it justice. I am hung like a horse over. I am hungover and over and over. I am hung, drawn and quartered fucking over. They just told me I can't keep my sunglasses on in the office. Fuck drinking with you people.
Did you know that scruff feels epic on boobs especially when they are covered in whip cream?
I think drinking everclear was a better idea than taking a night class.
1 tequila 2 tequila 3 tequila, floor.
*roof
We did a lot of coke and Bedazzled the couch. It seemed like a good idea at the time.
Body shots with my MILFs MILF!!
All I did was send my mom an ecard
we got kicked out of the bar last night for sneaking into the back kitchen and eating handfulls of cheese in the walk in fridge
I wonder how many people I can tell that he has one nut before he finds out it's me spreading it.
Why is everyone judging me for telling the cat a bedtime story?
Everyone says she blew me in the bathroom, so I believe it, I just don't REMEMBER.
Yea he was still drunk. He wore a Toga to his job interview.
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