Do you know my vagina holds 14 pints of water?
a lady just got escorted out of the bar because she came in carrying a can of gasoline while smoking a cigarette....this place is the definition of class
She wouldn't go home with me cause I forgot her name. I didn't realize it would matter after she danced with her vagina on my face
Only you could be admitted to the ER and walk out with a nurse's phone number. I wish I was gay
my tonsil wound opened up during the kegstand but i stopped it with a popsicle
I ate goldfish off your shoulder, I think we had bigger issues
Lest we forget our veterans. Also that two years ago I lost my virginity on this day in a hot tub. Go me for being the worst person on earth.
It was awful. He had a wife
And now you've had a year of virgin penance. Absolve yourself.
I'm really glad I had vomit on my sweater when I met his sister.
So is it your turn now to pretend like dating someone else would stop us from fucking?
Last night a drunk chick tried to lick me. If you are trying to lick the zombies, you are too drunk for the haunted house.
I am so horny that I an legitimately concerned for your safety when I see you tonight.
My dog and I just went outside to pee together.
Mom saw my dick pic over my gf's shoulder. She told her she really should've had me circumcised.
the woman that waxes my lady parts just hugged me...
were you wearing pants?
no.
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