You Definitely drank the goldfish bowl like it was a giant margarita
i just google searched "what time does taco bell open"
please tell me you remember why "7 days" is written above my bed in red marker
as we were stuffing their 24 of beer into our bags you kept saying you wanted cheese strings. closest things we found were kraft singles. as the guys came up the stairs you kept screaming 'GET THE CHEESE! GET THE CHEESE!'
I think I should just go up to him and say, "before I invest time in this could I just take a look at your penis?"
She made out with me for a free sandwich. What makes you think she is NOT up to my standards?
Can you tell me how this chicken finger got in my pillow case?
This has been your unwelcomed wake-up call, brought to you by exes united. Have a good day, to opt out please type "STOP", to continue but act as though they do not exist please enter "DON'T CARE" for random daily wake up texts by exes united please press "PSYCHO!"
He left his shoes, boxers and socks at my house & managed to walk home to his dorm without realizing anything was missing until 3 days after. That's the last time i'll ever hook up with a freshman.
The door opens out but somehow she managed to kick it in..
Is it wrong that I want to do a nude photo shoot with nothing but a light saber?
It's like my life is one of those movies where after a bunch of outlandish events that only happen in a movie the girl realizes her true life calling and lives a great life with a sexy man of multiple races. But I'm stuck in the fucked up part where 25 year olds come in their pants.
You forgot the part where I played Slip and Slide with my own puke and fucked up my knee.
No. DON'T DO IT. Friends don't let friends fuck clowns.
I just found a contact in my phone named "Nick from The Party". Who's nick?
Randomize
