i had a dream last night that you and i organized a foursome. swear to god
ps i'll be in miami in early july. this text has no relation to the last one
Turns out drinking large amounts of Gentleman Jack does NOT turn you into a Gentleman -- quite the opposite actually.
mark tries to be a total badass to make up for the fact that he's a poor man's pete wentz
I'm good, just tired from chardonnay and giving hand jobs.
We agreed on being friends w/ benefits. Lets see if that really happens.
Ok, so that was not supposed to go to u, my bad. I feel horrible.
6 other girls and I took an ice cream truck to the bar when we couldn't get a cab. Best birthday ever.
FACT: the parking lot attendant was yelling "NO SEX HERE! NO SEX" at yall.
If her puking on your pool table is her sign of a good night, it's time to intervene.
When I blacked in, I was crying to my father at the swim-up bar that "I was going to win an Oscar." how do you THINK Mexico was?
Oh yeah and one of the strippers brought you chips and water when you were passes out next to the toilet. So that was nice
This popcorn tastes like salt and regret. It reminds me of the first blowjob I ever gave.
You've ruined popcorn for me.
Well I had to use a seat cushion at Soul Cycle today so, yeah, I'd say the sex was good
I don't know how it started but we all ended up shirtless andI was covered in crawfish and wearing a sombrero.
So this morning when I woke up. I found my refrigerator open and no more food. It was empty, I'm home alone for the week. Where in hell did that food go?
I don't remember anything beyond the drinking game but I woke up in my own pee this morning so I'm just gonna go out on a limb and say I overdid it.
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