We have sex, then he cooks. It's like a fantasy.
Had to use Google translator to be able to tell the cleaning lady not to throw away the condoms we have strategically placed throughout the house.
what is with people arguing over soda or pop? to be honest i thought it was just called chaser
I like the one of me you and her but you're looking at me...Total foreshadowing right there. I'm cropping it
WHY IS EVERY MAN IN THIS CITY GAY? IS IT SO BAD TO WANT TO BE TREATED LIKE A PIECE OF SHIT BY A REALLY HOT STRAIGHT MAN FOR A NIGHT?
Her face just looks like a massive mistake. That's the only legitimate description I can say about it
She's all pretty and bubbly and nice and I'm sitting here stoned looking like Lucifer.
I sat down next to him and my bra just unhooked itself
So doing the math I dated almost 2 of me in penises. Like, if I you layed them out lengthwise it would be 2 times my height.
I taught her to play Monopoly. She sold me her bra to keep from going bankrupt.
who is the naked dude on the coffee table
thats jeff, jeff is nice so don't be rude
We could have a classy candlelight sonic dinner with fireball cocktails if you leave now. Twat tickler centerpieces.
I'm definitely not going to be able to fuck him high. I won't be able to not laugh at his man boobs
You don't know bruises until you've been banged by 3 drunk bagpipers in the back of thier bus
Is it weird that I have your number saved in my phone as baby Jesus?
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