A 20 minute car ride back to your car with the girl u had drunk anal with is the most uncomfortable thing ever.
The bouncer was kicking me out and I put up my finger for him to wait while I chugged the rest of my drink..all he could say is "are you serious right now?"
I swear my vagina formed calluses just to deal with how big he is
And I don't know what it is about weed making me want every episode of the real housewives of everywhere
I think you're my mermaid sister. Separated at birth, by sea.
Look at all the pictures I have of us sucking on jello syringes.
I haven't taken a solid shit in four weeks. Do you know what started four weeks ago? Alcohol and dining hall food. Fucking college.
Just got a ride from a stranger while walking a mile home as it hailed with no coat. He asked me if I smoked, then said he just made some potent cookies and I could have one.
The cookie was what I originally wanted to tell you. Always say yes to drugs from strangers
who is the naked dude on the coffee table
thats jeff, jeff is nice so don't be rude
Got an egg Mcmuffin combo, and put the hash brown in the sandwich. That level of hungover
While I'm here in reality dreaming of catching chili cheese fries with my mouth out of t shirt guns like Jesus is real
She'd probably like you more if you'd stop fucking her husband.
I'm basically cruising around listening to 90's gangsta rap with my meatball sub telling people to go fuck themselves
The cat hopped on my bed and watched me masturbate naked with a vibrator. I've never felt more sorry in my entire life
Like bruh, I’m a free range girlfriend
Randomize
