I think I'd rather ejaculate tabasco. You'd have to scrape out guacamole.
All he was doing was sitting in the car, staring. We asked him what was wrong and he just turned, smiled, and said "everything has its own pair of boots"
your dad made us margaritas and breakfast on the morning. I think it's safe to say he relives his glory days through us
With any luck I will spend the duration of this flight with my tray table up my seatbelt securely fastened and my face in his lap
Blacked in riding a tandem bicycle with a stranger. We stopped for hot dogs.
having sex with him is like cage fighting mixed with pilates...the condoms didn't stand a chance...
FRIENDSHIP PRAYER: May the crabs of 1,000 whores infest the crotch of the person who fucks up your day
All I remember is intermittent flashes of being passed out on the side of the road 3 or 4 different times. And telling him to just leave me there and I would walk home in the morning.
You know you're an adult when you break 100 to get 75 cents, to buy a condom from a bar vending machine in South Boston.
My whole sorority girl exterior is just a lie. I'm a fat tumblr girl on the inside.
Haha ohman remember when I peed in your blender? Gotta love college.
YOU DID WHAT???
i think we watched the dark knight rises after you left but i might have passed out through most of it. I remember crying at the end though. sad tears then happy tears.
Let's say hypothetically if you were going to put icing on a penis and then lick it clean...what would you ice it with? Not a knife right?
Tip of the day: Don't Amazon vibrators when your WHOLE FAMILY uses your prime account. There's dildo after dildo showing up in my "Related to Items You've Viewed" category on the home page.
Got wasted in a little tiki hut by the beach yesterday. Woke up with a coconut and half of a mushroom burger in my purse. I also have a picture of our Romanian bartender's fingernails on my phone lol
Why do you always wake up with meat in your purse?
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