a hangover this bad deserves a feeding tube
We've only been driving for two hours and I'm already down 3 vicodin...I'm not going to survive this family vacation.
I have minimal recognition and a lot of burns on my tongue and my vagina hurts.
so now that i'm sober i just want to apologize for violating your back seat...... on a brighter note thank you for playing the little mermaid song "kiss the girl," really set the mood.
In reality u ask do u have beer at your house but what your really saying is will there be cock in my mouth
Found plan b box covered with blood. In kitchen sick. Pickle jar is empty. Wtf happened?
He pulled a condom out of his satchel and i questioned my entire life.
Tell me why I woke up spooning a hamburger like it was a teddy bear.
Trust me, dating 38 and 20 year old dudes at the same time is the best. Money plus all of the sex. Finally figured out this relationship thing.
He also wore a doorag last night so i had to swipe left.
At one point I had two blunts in my hand and had no idea where they came from.
Just to clear things up, yes you did lick the strippers butt
I cannot, in good conscience, let you talk to a guy who wears Chaps and a knit beanie
Well, for starters, you were growling and slurping beer from a puddle on the carpet. Let's all hope that was beer...
I love how we can bond over the fact that we're the only ones who think the guy I drunk hooked up with looks like Voldemort
Randomize
