I just realized that my mother and I have the same favorite sex position, Guess which one!
OMG! Ew.
Lucky Dad.
So you honestly dont remember putting honey in your bong? You kept talking about how you wanted to become a bee and fly
I just made what I can safely estimate to be a 900 calorie pb&j. Fuck a serving size.
I drunkenly sent a picture of my scrotum to the entire baseball team last night
I want to apologize 3 days in advance for what's about to take place on St. Patrick's day.
We just saw him running from campus police a few minutes ago. So no, I don't think he's still passed out on the quad.
So I was about the only one NOT pregaming or stoned at my aunt's funeral... Maybe thats why I'm the black sheep.
I know everybody has skeletons in their closet but why are all of mine so slutty?
I'm always drunk lately
Now I'm in a game of hide and seek in Sears
i found waldo and immediately set him to work eating me out. please have more out of season costume parties.
We knew it was an interesting night when we found my thong wrapped around a chocolate chip muffin in the fridge.
The moment when you go to plug in someone else's phone in your car and your lube is in the way. Don't mind that it's just my center console car lube. Normal.
It's not even 8:30a, wine glass is broken, there's sugar everywhere, and your mom just asked me what MILF means.
We were looking everywhere for you and I finally found you in the closet talking to a build a bear.. So I gave you and myself another drink
Is there a reason why your pubic hair is a plastic bag on my bathroom floor? And yes I know its yours... You wrote your name on the bag
Randomize
