party was madd awkward.. it was like every person who i sat next to in high school and never said hi to was there
I'm sorry..where i come from learning how to exploit a wealthy middle aged man is a right of passage
I hate when people I sell to add me on Facebook. I'm your dealer, not your friend, C'mon people.
i just had to use the keg as a stool to reach the margarita maker. i'm such a problem solver.
Okay, just a casual question: how did i manage to get grass stains on the inside of my bra?
sitting in the bathroom telling some girl to keep puking or she will die. while holding a beer. nursing school rocks.
I figured you left because I was a shit show. Were you still there when I got locked in the bathroom and didn't know where I was? If not, that could have been a dream. I'm still not sure.
The cops are here to take me to jail, so I guess I have to go with them. If I'm not out by 6 p.m., there is some left-over lasagna in the fridge for you.
she tried to douche with champagne. in front of all of us. unabashedly.
i took a picture of my dick. with a stick figure drawn on it. and a paper hat taped to the tip. and i call i the mayor of Dickville
I told him to pick up the beer can he threw in front of the police station. So he gets out chugs whatever's left and throws it back and says ok let's go.
Two questions. One. Where are you watching election results tomorrow? Two. Can we have Obama victory sex?
We've only been here for 15 hours and our names are already on 2 separate police reports. We've also been given our "final warning" by the cops and hotel management.
Can we just talk about how the only thing I have on my camera from this weekend is a video of you putting your whole fist in your mouth hahahha
And thanks for putting me in that safety position on the bathroom floor while I was spooning the toilet
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