I want to give you a handjob with my mouth.
At what point did I decide it would be a good idea to fill my contact case with vodka
the EMT asked how you broke your nose and you said, "you know, the usual wear and tear."
i don't want you to think of me as your TA
He bought me a flower. He's totally getting head every day for a week.
he walked out as i was licking snow off of his car...
Can we ask the Hungry Howie's guy to pick up some blunt wraps on the way over?
This is God's way of telling me He loves me and wants me to be a cocktease.
Go forth my daughter and give blue balls to all who may gaze upon your tits.
Malibu has added tequila to its rum. It's like when two beautiful gaybies come together an spawn a unicorn that only cries jellybean tears.
She acts like a 3 year old but with fantastic tits. This girl is the reason women are objectified
From now on when a guy sends me a dick picture I'm going to send them a picture of some other dudes dick.
Lets just make a point system, like if we have sex add a point, if they leave after take away a point, if they stay all fucking day take away a point
Wow just discovered I can communicate my favorite sex positions using only emojis god bless this age of technology
Cancelling your gym membership calls for alcohol.
next time you go get food at three am and leave a rando here can you warn me??? Also i tazed him. but it was just my little one so i think he'll be fine. bring me some fries.
Randomize
