drinking colt 45 because lando calrissian told me to
How old was that tiny chick? she needs a lard iv.
As my groomsman, I expect you to learn the Thriller dance with me before next September.
i watch way too much csi for them to even pretend to be my friend.
She’s leaving for college so I made her a gift basket with all the essentials. You know- Ramen, a 12 pack of PBR, some leftover Plan B pills and a laminated business card for a good lawyer. Damn I’m a good big sister.
It's really awkward to greet the pastor when I know I've licked chocolate syrup off his daughter's chest.
Just spent five minutes taking pictures of my hands for some random guy.
Thanks for reminding me why I talk about you behind your back. Get laid.
why is allison so mad at me??
me and her walked into dans and you yelled "hello my dear alli, you're looking mighty overweight today!".
crap..
That's why there are breakfast margaritas.
He said he wouldn't use a condom because he didn't want to kill anymore trees.
frozen drink friday is suspended until further notice
onest when I told you I'm a paramedic but I'm also a stripper.
Home-made laxative recipe: activia yogurt and tequila shots. Any ratio ought to work.
What am I doing? I'm usually only attracted to horrible people.
Not sure, she said after cussing out the dentist they called security. Make that the first person I know 86'ed by a dentist.
Randomize
