I just high-fived this girl after she swallowed.
I really like him. That's why I'm having sex with someone else, so he doesnt think i'm a slut.
The dutch village is so much worse hungover. Fuck them and their wooden shoes.
An ad on my facebook says "don't be THAT girl". Its like it knows.
Satisfying Perfect Camera Moments
Forgot that I saved my paper as "Eat Shit Edwards" and e-mailed it because I missed class. I'm sure Prof. Edwards will be delighted when she gets it. I don't anticipate a passing grade.
I told you not to have sex with her on my futon
I didnt dude, i swear!
either that or you were eating mayo, which was the second thing i told you not to do on my futon
I think I'm on the verge of a really slutty period in my life
was just hit on by a homeless lesbian. forever alone.
Make good choices ;) This is your automated cockblock message
This Dog Travel Carrier is a Must
Your doorknob is in my back seat, in case you were looking for it.
I have just disproved the common belief that it is impossible to have mediocre sex in a fire truck.
The fire in my vagina flames on. Fucking terrible firefighter
are you still mad that doritos made their way into my sex life
It was a perpetual wrestle for who got to be on bottom. Laziest hookup ever.
Lesson learned. Kayak oars are not golf clubs....check
GOOGLE HAS JUST RELEASED AN UPDATE THAT ALLOWS YOU TO CATCH POKEMON USING MAPS. Pack your shit, our time has COME.