I just had one of those nervous system things in my thumb...I'm pretty sure I have cancer.
Don't get me started, it sucks when the one thing you have in common with a girl is not wanting penis inside you.
When she sits down, she uses her fat rolls like an arm rest.
She said she's saving anal for marriage cuz she has to save something for her husband...seriously just caught myself lookin at rings.
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I think im gonna have to stop sexting on the metra. The middle aged businessman behind me just leaned over and whispered 'dirty girl' and highfived his seatmate.
4pm on a Sunday....roomate fucking like a wildabeast while I have a organic chemistry study group in my kitchen.
Well, let me tell you, it was the most vivid sex dream I've ever had. More so than the Paris Hilton one I had in 05. And about as weird.
Saw a guy pass out and hit his head on a urinal. Laughing too hard to help him up
I hear sloppy seconds go great with fried rice
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I'm looking for mother nature. And when I find her, I'm looking her right in the eyes and telling her to fuck off.
I just hooked up with the same bartender my dad cheated on my mom with in the 90s. Not sure how this makes me feel.
family traditions my good sir
I mean, you've seen me eat pizza, sober, out of a garbage can, and yet I refuse to go eat at that place. Just sayin....
Me: 10% human, 90% poor drunken life choices.
Thank you for listening to my rant about tacos.
I just kept thinking.. Holy shit. We're fucking in my front yard.