Replacing day drinking with a real job was the worst decision I've ever made.
it wasn't THAT bad but he definitely called his dick an asshole and said sorry to my vagina
Man the liquor store just wrong numbered me, its a sign even god wants me to drink
In preparation for st patty's day I finally had a shamrock shake, and I invested in an app that will apparently keep me from drunkenly texting you pictures of my tits this weekend. Please let me know if you want to not be put on the "forbidden" list!
The 19 Strangest Things People Use To Get Off
You called to teach me about fire safety, meowed a whole bunch, said "I hope you are not on fire" and hung up.
Lets be real here, you loved it when I was on top. With and without the machete.
It was his first time doing shrooms and we made him ride in the truck bed. But he kept standing up and yelling when we stopped so we had to keep driving
As I'm trying to leave her house she shushes me and puts my hand on her boob, then goes back to sleep. In like 30seconds. What the fuck.
we were playing waterfall, then strip waterfall, then we were just listening to music, drinking, and slowly becoming more naked
These 25 Normal Couples Tried Porn Moves During Sex And It Ended Horribly
Full disclosure. I fucked the fatty from work and shit is weird now.
Seriously I am not buying you condoms anymore. You're 22, if you aren't woman enough to buy them yourself then you don't deserve orgasms. Grow some tits.
I've been back for one day and I've already given two bjs. Improvement from last year.
You gave my cousin a blowjob and are facebook friends with my mom. Is there a name for this level of friendship?
Saw two pregnant women at court today and I SWEAR one of them said "we had a threesome with this random guy and he got both of us pregnant."
I shit you not. Dude complemented me for being meme savvy. You could drown a toddler in my panties right now.