hey can i play with your boom stick tonite? I'll let you shoot the love of jesus in my face.
I'd suck anything for a pizza right now
Apparently senior citizens don't like that position
Just pooped at the strip club. NOT NORMAL . I may be a little too comfortable here.
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More importantly, he hasn't caught an STD yet. I mean I'd say it's luck, but at this point it has to be skill.
I may only be a second year med student but I feel very confident in calling that a micropenis.
Well, let me tell you, it was the most vivid sex dream I've ever had. More so than the Paris Hilton one I had in 05. And about as weird.
I made out with a bride-to-be last night at the bar. Jesus died for our sins right?
We are getting high tomorrow and being statues at the cafeteria. Come find us.
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Apparently unused tampons can also double as things to bite down on during public sex to prevent screaming...
Why the fuck did I wake up in a chair with mouth clamps?!
Just had Jager bombs for breakfast with her roommate... I do not regret this newfound lesbianism.
Treating myself to outback while reading the entire manual that comes with my birth control in public. Is this what single has come to?
I'll take "things you shouldn't say to a guy you just met in a bar" for 100!
Oh my god. We just got locked out of our cabin and went to the neighbor's to see if they had a key and caught the neighbor jerking it. My night > your night