Remind me to tell you about the dream where im a fighting a super hero whose only weakness is sunkist.
yeah she was being a bitch. do you remember me stealing ryan cabrerra's beer?!?!
this text is just filler to avoid a lull in the conversation
5 am is for sleeping. Or getting railed on by a stranger. But never for fundraising. Get real.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
pre-gaming in the library. just gonna keep going until i'm too drunk to keep working and then i'll be there.
Your brother came in a girls mouth for the first time last night... Ah the tales told whilst buying minors beer.
I'm sorry I murdered your sperm with my alcohol saturated Olympic uterus.
You can identity the picture as me the mistress his wife and him. It's that kinda awkard.
When you turn your data bak on you're gonna get a pic of a nipple but it's not mine
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm almost too hungover to function. Got into the wrong car by mistake. there was a rotweiler in it. Thank god he was more confused than i was for a minute.
She must've been waiting down the street cause after I said I specialized in inner-thigh-face-massage it couldn't have been 2 minutes until she was on my couch.
Lets just say my thoughts when getting dressed this morning was "vagina friendly" options
Fun FACT Saturday: Semen is great for my acid reflux
Im so fucked up I'm drinking baileys and coffee just to stay awake.
It's 6 in the afternoon?
What should I list for life skills
How about home wrecking? You’re excellent at that
Hmm...that is a life skill in Southern California
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