Worst sexual experience IN MY LIFE. And now i know why it makes jesus cry.
It was like if Side-show Bob had a vagina for a mouth
WAIT U DIDN'T FEED THE SQUIRREL?
At a Jewish lesbian wedding. I stick out like a sore, uncircumcised penis.
All she does is lay in bed and watch golden girls and masturbate all day...
It's inspiring.
So idk if it's because I'm working out again or the coke, but I hit my target weight today. Whaaaat uuuup. Come and get me thanksgiving.
I think we should get high on adderall and nair each other again for New years.
Pretty sure the purpose of joining wine clubs isn't to drink the 2 bottles they send you each month IN THE SAME NIGHT.
We had a pillow fight. It looks like an angel exploded here. A DRUNK ALCOHOLIC ANGEL
Or stump rather since he's possibly large. Large penises don't have tips, just blunt ends of battering rams.
I didn't even realize I grinded on a security guard last night. Shit. Did he at least like it?
My tweets this weekend consisted of me telling every bar I went to that they were my favorite valentine. I've never felt like more of an alcoholic
Our host-mom was rubbing her back sympathetically going "muy bien, chica" while she puked on the beach. So yeah, I think we got the best one.
As we have told you before, the first rule of hook-up bingo is we don't talk about hook-up bingo
She is still drunk from the night before, sitting here eating KFC mashed potatoes and drinking Arbor Mist before Anatomy lab.
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