She has her iPod in her ears slippers and sweats on and is walking around the house up and down the stairs getting "exercise" she just stopped for a water break
Just grabbed my laptop and a beer to take a shit. Mom gave me a look of disgust. I miss college.
Quick question... Why were there condoms frozen into ice cubes?
Ah shit... I sleep-ate chocolate pudding again.
Let's just say a refrigerator got involved and after that I had to send him home.
They glued all of the ceiling tiles shut.
oh my god. you caused complete remodeling to a college campus that you don't even go to
Crumbling up chips, putting them in salsa, eating with spoon. New level of stoner fatassery. Its so genius/delicous i'm not even ashamed
He appeared on my 7th floor fire escape and sang to me and jimmy through the window when we fucked. He's like a drunken mix of Sinatra and Spiderman.
Your vase full of piss was still at his house and he still doesn't know.
I have to remind myself to breathe. That hungover.
We exchanged spring break stories last night. Open relationships are the best.
I just had a guy ask me if his "jewelry downstairs" would set off the metal detector.
How many times do I have to tell you I'm not bisexual.
.....unless there is alcohol involved
Sorry I banged your sister. But in my defense you ain't fucked me in a month. In fact I should get a medal for keeping it in your family.
He talked me out going to the bar. No one ever talks me out going to the bar..this is fucking love.
Randomize
