omg... punch me in the throat... I am about to lose my mind with my parents.. I'm not saying I agree with the menendez brothers.. but I understand
Dude, I totally just put a lit lighter to my hand for 10 seconds
How much beer did you get for it?
One ice cold coors, but those mountains lied
so i told my doctor my symptons and she just shook her head at me
So I just used shazaam to figure out a pairs figure skating song. I don't think I could get any gayer.
You had already cockblocked me. The cops were just an assist.
well, i woke up this morning to a note i left myself my dry erase board, "dear you: i had sex with someone awful."
You were Q-tipping mashed potatoes out of your ear.
He's bought his dick a cell phone. A cell phone. For his dick...
He gave me the number and told me that I if I want to hook up again, I have to call his penis.
I like how our relationship transcends the borders of inappropriateness and encompasses all the colors of the inappropriate rainbow.
This morning on my way to work I saw a guy ride his bike straight into a woman and her dog while trying to light a bowl. Thought of you.
I mean with a sentence like that I knew I would be cumming
We single women of America need to make America great again by refusing to fuck anyone who supports Trump.
VASECTOMY FOR THE WIN
I can't talk, I can't walk, I think I'm twitching and I'm not even sure if I'm typing this. Help
But really, what kind of hoe life adventure in Mexico would you do that would top me blowing a trucker?
Randomize
