He just told me he would murder a thousand dolphins to be with me. Quite the charmer.
I acted like I was still sleeping as she gathered her stuff to leave.. that's when she let one rip
It's like the Sean Connery of vaginas. You don't mess with it.
I'm so horny
I have no idea who this is, but I'm up for a lecture on self-respect
You were mounting an escalator last night, shouting "I have no health insurance" at people
You distracted them by dancing on the stripper pole, I ripped the flag off the wall, stuffed it in my pants and we were out.
I don't care if shes your sisters age. Once someone is on my to do list theres only one way to get them off it
I know you think I'm being paranoid, but can you please make sure Danny doesn't rub my wedding invitation on his balls?
hot boxing the bathroom at chili's. where the fuck are you, it's too big of a box for just one person.
Since the world is still here you can go ahead and disregard those pictures I sent
We're both clumsy. What does this imply for our kids?
Helmets.
You don't understand. My ass is the color of eggplant.
I think my body knows it's dying and is just shutting down
I don't think "growing medical marijuana" is Quite what my Grandfather had in mind when he thought me about gardening as a child
I would like to reiterate that I went to give lessons and ended up having a three way instead
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