At the bar. Guy comes up wearing a hollister shirt and says "lets blow this popsicle stand"
You fucking left with him didn't you?!
I'm going to write a book about John. It's going to be called big dreams, little dick
i dont know why he would complain when i touch him there.
Do you remember peeing on the wall and then yelling at us to stop looking at your dick?
im just gonna turn drinking alone on new years into a tradition
Went to the doctors. She saw my " I love beer" tattoo. All she said was " My drunken tat is of just one word. "Cornnuts.". Then said Mexico was "awesome." And sent me on my way. Yeah. She's my favorite doctor.
you threatened to puke on the table cause they didnt serve eggs Benedict
and you think what you did last night was bad? at least you didnt go wake up a sleeping guy for birthday sex.
The plan is to make enough mistakes this weekend to hold me over until spring break
He asked us to wake him up with a strobe light. We had it going in front of his face full power for half and hour and he didn't even blink.
I AM VODKA MAN
It's six am and her daughter just walked in on her mom and roomful of naked people playing strip spoons. glad Im apart of that childhood memory....
It's not "nice." It's the supermodel of dicks.
they gave me money. the money smells like weed. also they gave me weed
He fucked the hangover right out of me. That good.
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