I am laying on the kitchen floor eating cold chicken fingers and drinking wine. welcome to my new years party.
just peed on my foot to get a spider off. that lazy.
Fuckbuddy couldn't meet, so she's trying to find a substitute to come fuck me. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
Say something like you want him to fuck you behind a McDonald's. Guys secretly love weird shit like that.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Your roommates boyfriend just approached me while I was working to tell me about the staph infection he got on his face. Where do you find these people?
He told me my butthole was like "Narnia" and that it's a wonderful place he would like to visit.
okay i am so sorry that i pulled a knife on you last night but seriously that woman knows how to throw a party.
They figured our he was high when he told the manager he wanted a break to go wrap his dick in toliet paper and pretend it was a ghost.
Finishing last nights 1.5L of wine and beef jerky for breakfast. Work looms, ever the prickly bitch.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I am seriously thinking about wearing a blanket as a cape. So when I pass out tonight the blanket might keep me warm.
I know he's gay. But if he touches my vagina I'm human centipeding his face. Sorry not sorry
Bro, if we got a house, it'd basically be a revolving door for slightly overweight, but extra cute, sexually deviant girls with daddy issues.
He used his penis as a drumstick on my back and had me guess what song he was playing.
I wanted to buy shoes but nothing fit. So i'm getting a vibrator.
He came so fast i dont think he got it all the way in. He apologized and gave me his favorite baseball card.
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