just so you know, the uglier twin gives better bjs..don't be deceived
She left me a voicemail too. It's just her moaning her name repeatedly
i wrote her a fucking poem. i better get laid for that
I have vodka an food stamps. At some point today, that will undoubtedly turn into jello shots.
I need to make a 'no kissing' rule for my casual hookups during cold season...this cold is so not worth it.
Is it cheating if its a threesome? This is more like a party game than infidelity.
Welp just pooped in a garbage can. Guess I'm not better than you at life in any aspect.
I told him if he went to see magic mike with me I'd cover his eyes during the penis parts
Out of control sex drive for a girl? I just masturbated in the bathroom at my in-laws house before dinner....
We got high and watched Winnie the Pooh. Isn't that what every normal person does on their break?
You tried to order fondue take-out.
From Taco Bell.
Okay I'm officially a Texan now, I banged a dude with cowboy boots
Update: drank half a bottle of Bourbon and texted three ex's. Waiting for the roommates to go to sleep so I can raid the fridge.
We just fucked each other sober. #goteam
So, Kevin dropping me off at urgent care. Seems my tampon slipped out of reach. Even after he tried to get it out with some kitchen tongs.
Randomize
