it was a shit show
We all have our days. But yours might be on the internet.
the owner gave me a free bottle of vodka and a 12pack of red bull if i agreed to leave. my drunken antics are finally paying off.
there's a liquor store near my therapist
i might give it a shot.
I just banged your sister. Thats what you get for takibg my lunch money in 2 grade, boom, boom fiyyaa powaa
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The chick working the drive through at BK on New Years stuck her head out the window and told me there were no line ups for the bathrooms inside so i should go in there. I just kept squatting and peeing and told her it would prob help business.
his teacher called to say he gave a girl on the playground a rock to touch his penis. proudest moment of my fatherhood
Bright side: maybe hell start being nice to you now that you know he has erectile dysfunction.
How much morphine is too much? Keep in mind that I'm going to my graduation dinner with my parents.
She poured beer through the deck into the hot tub. She called it a deck shot. It was horrifying but super awesome at the same time.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Remember when I asked you to make sure I didn't go home with anything less than a 6 last night? You're fired
I feel like drug tests are a little less "random" when you are employed by your father.
I just swiped right for a guy on Tinder solely because it looked like he was holding Zoboomafoo
I just woke up and there was a condom wrapper stuck in my hair. This is my life.
Didn't you sleepover at your grandparents?
I saw a drunk guy run across the street with an American flag between his buttcheeks.
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
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