genius idea. im gonna paint my penis green like the serpent of sex
She offered to make me a fruit roll up salad for breakfast...I'm not sure if that's the coolest or weirdest thing ever...
just found the land before time on youtube... I'm so fucked for finals
Hey, just wanted to let you know that University Police stopped by and repossessed the stolen laundry basket. And the 8 bottles of detergent.
My ex was there, the 2 girls I'm seeing showed up and I had a pocket full of VIP passes 2 the strip club. Had all the makings of an epic night but I fell asleep at the bar.
I just got carded by a ten year old.
She said she wanted you to slurp her vagina like a spaghetti noodle.
I fell asleep completely naked, standing up with my arms and head in the freezer
After you smoke one night. Just whisper in a barely audible voice, "Grey Poupon"
I need a pedicure
You need to go to planned parenthood
what could you have possibly accomplished by watching 6 hours of a mythbusters marathon
well, i added sex in a wind tunnel to my bucket list
i just swapped my iPhone for a happy meal. this is greg btw, the hooker let me borrow her phone
You were like a drunk and unconscious tickle me elmo.
He really is. Owns his own house and has more than one towel!
He just compared fucking my vagina to a snow flake falling on his forehead: gentle.... I'm not sure if that's a compliment or not.
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