you fell asleep during kickboxing this morning
how does that even happen??
oh God, I have a dick of a middle schooler
he told me he had a problem with me going both ways. like what the fuck. what guy says that to a girl? goodbye planned threesomes...
i had to write a bad check to buy franzia last weekend. i have my priorities in line.
He took a shot, then proceeded to puke into the bucket he was iceing his broken foot in
Just got done fucking the squirter chick. She came when we were in a 69. I now know what it's like to be water boarded.
So ahh..."Multicultural Night" turned into "Fuck the Neighbor Night"
I don't like getting sloppy drunk but I don't like getting just half drunk either, I'm way too responsible if my blood alcohol level is below 0.2
Made a pan flute out of the varyingly empty beer bottles on the table. Played a glorious tune that paid tribute to the winds.
REALLY should have cleaned under my bed before I had my parents come help me pack...things my parents just found: several condoms and a bottle of lube. My mom when she found a condom: "ooo ribbed. Laura's a lucky girl"
maybe her throwing up on me was a foreshadowing of how she would later metaphorically throw up on my life
He got a new tattoo in prison. It's actually a good tattoo, making it that much harder for me to hold out until he's off house arrest.
I just had a guy ask me if his "jewelry downstairs" would set off the metal detector.
Friday is the holy day of drinking. Thou shalt observe the Sabbath. It's in the bible. Look it up bitch.
He just sent me a picture of multiple chickens eating in his kitchen... should I be worried
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