Police were just in my backyard to recover a loaded .38. What the fuck?????
somehow we got the entire party to start singing "ill make a man out of you" from mulan. needless to say, that kid had the best keg stand i'd ever seen.
Do you think the Slutcracker will use the original score? I'll be so sad if they don't.
You're cordially invited to the love nest for alcoholic and aquatic adventures. Also known as an all expense paid trip to my pool, alcohol, and vagina.
Sorry 4 leaving u in the dumpster last night
I didn't just get this from the chlamydia fairy.. You should probably get tested.
We need to re-create the Get Some Ass Tour 2002.
Um, 2 out of 3 people involved with that particular event are now married, so I don't think that will be happening.
HELLO, they're MARRIED! They need to get some ass more than anyone.
Somewhere between the 30 minutes of cunnilingus, the improvised song about the Olympics, and the super thoughtful shower beer... I knew I married the right guy
i really need to shower, but i don't want to take off my bra and lose my cleavage. the struggle
My passport was stamped in Canada two weeks ago. One step closer to uncovering wtf happened that night
Thank you for holding my butt in a non-sexual manner when its cold. I appreciate you and your warm hands.
I'm just saying, if you haven't been dropped off at a Wawa at 5:30 in the morning by 3 cop cars, you're missing out
I know what I want to do this Friday. However, it might end in me getting kicked out of an arcade and a mini golf course.
Ex-boyfriend shit on a ping pong table at a party last night. Taking "party pooper" to a whole new level.
As you were leaving you yelled at the owners that the stairs weren't suitable for "intoxacapated" people and promptly fell down them.
So I WAS right.
Randomize
