update: the house isnt on fire anymore, but he is still pissing on all your stuff.
the house was on fire??
shit I thought I told you.
my math professor just wrote "parallel" on the board, but spelled it "pararrel". guess what country he's from
I know the scar will be in an obvious place, that's why I'm certain it'll score me cancer blowjobs
There are empty beer cans all over and the go-kart is missing. I need it for my halloween costume.
Just got physical proof that at 6 am i was running around with raw potatoes threatening to mash them on his floor. Hello, Mobile uploads
Next guy we share better have a little more dignity than that
Made out with a mannequin all morning in cpr training, so im ready to party
hahaha every time i hear a motorcycle i think about that one time you almost died
Thanks for the flashbacks you prick.
You were sitting in a chair and you said "I just feel like a little fishy, floooooating through the ocean, so pretty"
I don't know what part of my sober brain thought it was a good idea to get stoned when I can barely walk with crutches as it is, but that part is stupid.
Just remember that no one else gets to suck his dick but you, feel honored. It's like the Olympic torch of life is being passed off to you and it's your time to run
I don't think anything is more terrifying than the thought that you might shit your pants in front of your boss
Also, feel like I need to install a nanny cam to remind myself what I did the night before.
We had everything under control until this one jackass fucked up. Thanks, Peter.
I have 2 bottles of wine, a sharpie, and a panda mask and don't have to wake up early. Can u do the math on this?
Randomize
