I woke up and my panties were thumbtacked to his wall. Out of my reach.
who knew getting puke in ur hair could make it look so cute and curly. minus the crusty puke part
new rule: cockblock me if I have had over a fifth of jack. no matter what.
for once, the $56 i am about to pay for plan b was actually worth the sex.
Currently separating the burrito I just stuffed in my purse from the weed in my half smoken bowl that was already in it. My what the fuck moment beats yours.
Houston, we have a blender
seriously considering responding to a craigslist ad for a lesbian cunninlingus instructor...at this point i'm so desperate for a job that i'm willing to switch teams.
I feel like i could break down a fucking wall with this boner
Soooo, coming over soon?
Yep. My memoirs will be called "A Slore Worth Mentioning"
He's hot and has an accent therefore you don't ask questions when he tells you to take your pants off.
Yeah. I couldn't figure out why my toes hurt. Apparently, the guy I was dancing with, kept running them over with his wheelchair.
I know. I'm a saint. Saint of sitting on faces.
Like I’ve seen him completely trashed and I’ve also seen him rip shirtsleeves off with his teeth and I can’t tell if I’m intrigued or not
I woke up next to a Big Mac box.. And had no sheets or clothes on. The night was a success I think.
I'll be naked. By 11. Then arrested. Drunk tank adventures
Randomize
