38 yer olds are good kisserssss
there should be a national holiday dedicated to how high i am
So... I just got back from the chiropractor... And he said I have a slight neck injury from head banging too much. Fuck yes.
Just saw a commercial bout this girl that lost 54 lbs on a taco bell diet. so thats my excuse.
part of it is the fact that im problem drinking, and the other part is my OCD wont let me leave the bottle half-empty.
maybe we can find two twins tonight and bang them together and then my life is complete
He left me a five minute voicemail apologizing for chasing me with a meat beater. I'm actually not sure what that means.
He just referred to his foreskin as a snuggie. Help.
They just called to see if he wanted to come in at 2am for overtime. He's trashed. He literally carried on a 10 minute convo with his boss about woodchucks. As in the animal
she said i was like a little lamb and she felt bad for luring me into her den of sin. then she blew me.
Being a virgin isn't supposed to be this easy for you.
Matt says that there are strip club auditions in our living room and he'd like you to audition.
I have more sex toys than shoes - HOW AM I SINGLE?!?!?
How about to stay friends we only have sex on our birthdays. Maybe national holidays too. And days we get really drunk. Wanna get really drunk?
Sorry for trying to baptize you last night
You knew the entire thing in Latin I was so impressed
I’m not saying you’re wrong, I’m just saying he’s denying what you’re saying.
Randomize
