i wanted to iron the shorts i'm wearing. but i'm high and lazy. so i'm using my hair straightener. in bed.
worst night to have a conscience
NoDDING MY HEAD LIKE uyuEAH MOViUNG MY HiPS LioKe YEAhhhhhhhhhhh
wow.
how in the hell can u get pulled over when ur car is parked.
There is too much vodka and too much dick.
I just couldn't help myself when there was a FOUNTAIN OF SHOTS
i got us a cheese tray and a bottle of whiskey
ugh yes i love our date nights
Any idea who the guy in my bed tagged as rattlesnake dick might be?
He told me that a camel appeared out of nowhere and it told him to quit smoking...
I just came inside of a Gatorade bottle. That hungover.
I'm going to avoid eye contact because my old high school English teacher is not who I feel like seeing after I just had a dick in my mouth
You have set the bar insurmountably high with apple pie and buttsex.
All I have are vague memories of us eating ham?
I was randomly pulled aside to have my bag checked. It had 50 condoms in it.
Woke up in my boxers on a subway with a phone number written on my arm in lipstick..Best Night EVER.
Randomize
