Oh just a soda. I'm "driving"
If i could tip my vagina, i would.
I'm so high, I forgot to harvest my farmville crops....noooooooo.
Worst stoner tragedy.
Tonight's Jeopardy categories were "Star Trek, Action Figures, Dinner For One, In Need of a Date, Still Living With Mom & Dad, You Have No Life." Beginning to think my life is the Truman Show.
Just had a tranny complement my outfit. Looks like I'll have to change before we go out.
I know you`re my best friend, but when i wake up with this bad of a hangover and no memories of last night, i dont want to see your tits ad my background.
ok it turns out chain mail does not protect against falling down a flight of stairs. please send help.
I guess when I black out I feel that it's not inappropriate to grope my gf in front of her parents.... But hey at least I'm starting off 2013 single
We got banned from that Whataburger for life. WHATABURGER. Which is saying something. They deal with drunk dumbasses every night.
Tequila happens.
I smell like a skunk, but I'm okay with that.
I was driving around a golf cart with a keg in the back before I got caught by the cops. First slow speed chase ever
Some dude just said my hair smells like his pillows
Man I was just the closest I've ever been to crapping my pants.
Anyhow. He gives me orgasms and cuddles and buys me dinner and alcohol. Ill keep him around and cross that other girl bridge when we get there ha ha
Rich men love me! I remind them of their trophy wife!!!
Randomize