He finally told me that he's married. I guess it doesn't really matter.
i just realized that no matter how many potstickers i eat, i will never be asian
this dieting is killing me...just started drooling watching a dog food commercial
my mom hid the smirnoff from me. this is the most fucked up game of hide and seek EVER
I didnt shave my beard last night, so I could feel it while Im shrooming today
They are making fun of natty and blackberries.
Tell them they are ugly.
I'm seriously gonna die surrounded by a million cats and an unbroken hymen
I miss the time when Mondays weren't the new Thursdays. I can't drink like my 17 year old self anymore.
his version of basketball was throwing hot sauce packets down my cleavage at taco bell at 2 am with his buddy.the cashier kept score
cool, get new shit, I dnt want the same old if it's my last drink ever
The world isn't ending you idiot. I'll grab beer
I forgot to pack a bra for work today...you would not believe the extremes i've had to go through in order to keep these nips from my coworkers
I've finally done it, I've downloaded some messenger lesbians like to use because some girl wanted to flirt.
Congrats, you're all grown up now.
I FEEL LIKE A GAY BUTTERFLY
I just got the most majestic image of a potato sack full of dildos getting whipped at your head in slow motion.
He's teaching me French for free and I'm giving him blowjobs. Win-win.
He gave me a back massage while we were fucking.
Did you get that?
WHILE WE WERE FUCKING.
Randomize
