I wish my cat could text because i would tell him that everything will be ok. and i wish he could send them back..but him have no thumbs. him no know what he would text with.
i am pregamming alone in my car. scale of 1-10 how alcoholic is that
im pretty sure thats an 11
I woke up and peed for 26 seconds this morning. 26 seconds!
I just wiped my vajayjay with snow. Bad idea.
thinking back, the fact that our bartender was missing a finger shouldve been hint number one not to let him pick our drinks
i promise the blood crusted on your tits is from him motorboating you after he tripped into the pool stick. nothing else.
You're just mad that I don't wanna have dugout sex with you
Next person that gets my dog drunk is paying to have my carpet cleaned. I am tired of getting up to pee and stepping in dog barf.
I ripped the door frame off last night too. Just remembered.
It's pretty fantastic. I just wanna know how your bra ended up in the aquarium the other night.
Im currently watching two girls making out. In the library. Hope your studying is going as good as mine is. Haha
I was just asked if I wanted to struggle snuggle. She's a keeper
I smell like lime and condoms and I really want a waffle. Fuk
I think the worst part about being a real adult is 1)having a high stress job that makes me want to get stoned 2)paying for reefer using my own money 3)realizing my boyfriends children probably have more weed connections than I do anymore
I threw up in my 8 AM. Morale is low.
Randomize
