just took a shot of grandma at the fucking bowling alley... this is going to be interesting
when my dick couldnt get hard she said "fly on little wing"
think i got pink eye from a stripper in vegas. showgirls did not prepare me adequately for this. be kind, 2010.
there was a 40 knocked over. chips and salsa all over the floor. and she was in her thong doing boot camp on demand in the middle of the room..
You are the worst kind of disappointment. The responsible kind.
It went from cuddling and watching blood diamond to watching the three of them snort an entire $80 bag of blow off the coffee table
A worker across the alley is wearing your sombrero sans cat barf.
I'm trying to figure if this dude sitting in his car with the door open is dead or just sleeping. Someone was probably wondering the same thing bout me 20 minutes ago. Your meeting is taking a ridiculous amount of time.
I'm in the freezer. Shit took away any trace of hangover outa my body.
struggle bus is officially taking me on a road trip to hell. If this is just the first destination, I'll jump out the fucking window.
Starting this Monday as I always do
With a desperate plea for help
I want to have sex in my car again before I put the car seat back in
What kind of sociopath goes to sleep at 9pm when I clearly need attention
We went from him going down on me to swapping baby pictures of our moms.
He literally ejaculated and I hit Uber
Randomize
