he told me my hair look so beautiful and as he was stroking it his fingers got caught in my BUMPIT. How are you supposed to explain that one?
i just farted in the library and heard some girl yell it was sulfur gas. can. not. move.
He started making shapes and faces with his cock and balls.... apparently if you wrap the shaft with your balls and turn it 90 degrees to the left it looks like a hamburger
IDK who she called, but some guy came into the party, flying drop kicked Joe said never again. She has to invite him around again.
Obviously a higher power wants us to be sunday drunk together
1 tequila 2 tequila 3 tequila, floor.
*roof
Last night I flashed a car full of people my tits for a bag of pretzels so yeah I'd say I was at least tipsy.
because of daylight savings time I lost an hour of sex with an incredibly hot guy last night. thanks a lot farmers.
We were fucking and his phone rang and it was his grandma. He just had a conversation with his grandma while fucking me from behind. Then his dad called and asked him what he wanted from taco bell.
Be safe. If you have intercourse with a boy use so many condoms this his penis is no longer recognizable.
We were making out and truffle butter was playing in the background. I stopped mid make out session and said, "I'm really sorry but I have to rap Nicki's part."
MY MOM WALKED IN WHILE I WAS EATING THEM OUT AND STARTED ASKING US ABOUT THE PROJECT RUNWAY EPISODE WE WERE WATCHING EARLIER
We broke up. My life is now 7 inches less.
Idk, I know when I drink vodka my bi side comes out and I just want to make out with a girl
and by running errands I mean eating an entire bag of milanos by myself in the Walmart parking lot
Randomize
