I want to come over to your house, give you money for liquor, fuck you, and then kick it untill I have to go home. Was that blatent enough for you?
I definitely just put my boxers on backwards.
haha now u have to piss out ur bum
Bonnaroo quote of the day: "why the fuck am i pregnant?!?!" - exclaimed loudly by random hippie.
so i was sitting on this guys lap, and we were flirting and everything right..well his phone kept ringing, turns out it was his pregnant wife...she had gone into labor..
Too bad it's not "confirm, ignore or not unless I've had 20+ beers"
and I was crying with the towel lady in the bathroom of the bar about the tragedy in Haiti. Then we hugged before I left and I gave her 10 dollars.
My mom and dad are smoking a joint while lecturing me on what to bring and how to act in Europe. I'll finish this glass of wine and head over.
I know. You don't know poor life choice until your sitting on the floor of a community bathroom waiting to vomit at 4 am
He looked at my vag and said "you have a nice situation down there. Good work"
A Bum and I jusst hugged. its not even 8 pm.
You take your time. Wallowing in last nights filth is the best way to get over a hangover
He said and I quote "Had to beat one off in the Burger King bathroom before I went over." Thats somebody that takes pride in his work.
scratch that I can tell you where she is shes drunk on a beach somewhere being a penis slayer
It was like coming out my mothers vagina again in slow motion
Seriously, you just banged the guy that wishes his dog happy birthday on fb. That's fucking adorable!
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