allegedly i woke up at 5am sat in the dishwasher and peed
watching E! true Hollywood story: curse of the lottery.. i'd probably spend all my money on blow and airplanes too..
I could hear his roommate in the background imitating my sex sounds...
we made malted milkshakes. malt as in malt liqour.
Have thirty minutes until my shift starts. My heart says liquor store but my future says no
This is working out surprisingly well considering it started out with us using a christmas tree as a battering ram
I need to get skinnier so that I know when pregnancy scares are real...
And dont tell me its his job to cockblock me just because he's my boyfriend.
...And then you kept screaming "cock mouth" in her face every time she tried to talk.
I pretended I didn't remember seeing him hookup with that freshman, and he pretended he didn't remember seeing me hookup with that old guy. We have a beautiful and unawkward friendship.
I guess I've just seen a lot of penises since then
I plan on having so much gay sex in our house while you gone.
School starts Thursday. Don't fling yourself out of the car to throw up screaming "classy" before I park this time.
It's a new year.
The NSA quit spying on phones. I'm sending you SO MANY dick pics.
I almost got decked by a guy who looked like Mr. Clean. How was your night?
Randomize
