I feel like this woman may give her husband a hand job mid way through dinner. just saying.
You know its going to be a good homecoming when you beer bong a mimosa at 6am.
We went to red robin and there was a 15 minute wait so we went and fucked in the car. Quickies, endless fries, and a mascot handing out balloons- this is literally the night of my dreams.
Tomorrow will not be complet unless someone eats me out. Just sayin
she just punched a dude and called him a peasant for not drinking fast enough in flip cup.
apparently i saved myself a memo last night titled "cake" and all it says is "i love it so much"
Yeah...I know. It's cute I think...I mean cute in a weird like hey I kinda took you home from the bar one night, maybe criticized your penis, and fucked your brains out...kinda sorta way
You can't tell me you've honestly NEVER considered smoking a Froot Loop
So my dealer asked me if I wanted to join his circle because we smoked so much this summer he thinks we're dealing
So, I'm drinking, and I put my head down in the table. The cat jumped up to check on me, I have a cat sober monitor.
apparently domino's not only has a live feed of pizzas coming out of the oven, but it also has a built in smooth jazz radio station. this pizza's getting really pornographic really fast.
Well you know I have tits so that's half the battle
I'll start cleaning the house tonight darlin. So you don't have to fuck your two boytoys in the driveway the next two days.
He's the douchy one who wouldn't let me rip his shirt off, right?
I don't want too, lol. I'm currently awaiting my next period like its the second coming of christ
Randomize
