this kid just came up to me and asked me if i wanted to play truth or aids with him and his friends. i'm in
You don't have to be drunk! I've licked your asshole before
You tried feeding my python vodka through a funnel. Fuck off.
Everyone is hammered wasted already...young, old, the dying, babies...we got them all
If that's all it takes to cure your hangovers then you need to drink more.
Ya I don't think I'm going anywhere, a cum towel, beer, and Vicodin was just exchanged in our white elephant present game
Just got hit on by a 50 year old Englishman who is now swapping drunken racing stories with my mom. Live Mariachi band in the background. How's that for a wake?
Pain in my heart, regret in my vagina
I was just the victim of a drive by judging in a horse and buggy.
The fuck? Where?
St. Mary's. Amish people. Too high for this.
She said I had a really great aura. Which I think is hippie code for "I bet you can give me a mind melting orgasm"
did i make more ranch sandwiches last night
you had 4
I'm going to invent an ap that tests your stress levels before texting and will say something like "nope, go rub one out and try again in 10 min"
He sent me a picture of his cock that seemed to indicate that we were still on good terms.
It is NEVER not funny to me when I am sitting at a table and I've touched the dicks of every single person I'm sitting with.
may or may not have snorted a line of tums... wtf.
Randomize
