she met some random, took his vcard, peed in his bed, left, and then requested him as her boyfriend on facebook
No stds, not pregs, and lost two pounds. I'd call that a successful two years of grad school.
The first thing they saw when they walked in was all four of our std test's hangin on the fridge....i'd be worried if they didn't think we were sluts
he left his wallet here so lets treat ourselves to a lunch for the lack of penis we both had deal with
I spiked my fruit smoothie. Taking bikini season diet to a whole new level
Nothing says "I support my fellow man" like taking your friends recently divorced dad to a strip club and bar hopping with us to get him laid by an upgrade.
The last thing I remember was you puking all over the inside of my door and him yelling "PUKING RALLY!!!"
There was a tour on campus today, and there were two girls i went to high school with in the group. They saw me and ran up to me as i was unlocking my door. when i opened it, kate was laying in a pile of glitter and beer cans. We need to reevaluate.
You put your finger on my lips and told me 'the butt is nature's pocket'.
I don't remember that at all, but I stand by what I said
I was gonna buy a KIA, but then I remembered how awesome the sex was in the back of a Hyundai so I went with that.
Something like that. Healthy diet of beer, ranch sunflower seeds and sex keeps me young.
A guy was over-the-skirt fingering me on the dance floor and I stopped him to sensually rap in his ear. So that was my Halloweekend
Yeah. That's the shitty part. God, I don't want to be a step mom. Sure I'm great with kids, but I just want unlimited sex and not have to worry about making friends with a fucking 7 year old.
Omg. I can't go on a date with this man. His kids are too ugly.
Hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking you had a pulse
Randomize
