I felt like a body pillow being humped by a twelve year old.
found an empty one..2nd door on the right...i'm already naked.
He gave her the shocker .. I didn't know people really did that.
I think you can do her, she seemed pretty set for revenge the second time her boyfrind high fives her in the face.
Hey so when you left last night was i wearing shoes?
A man that refers to my vagina in third person is a man after my own heart.
Guess what I'm doing tonight? Tacos and strip chess.
2:23 am. Im just at McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, paying in nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
2:26 am. Im just being thrown out of McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, without my nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
Nope I went the fuck home like an adult
Im in my back seat in my own drive way with two beers left to shotgun and watching the sunrise. Am I over her yet?
This day took a left turn at "This is your going away party, I got a bunch of blow."
I'm chasing my vodka with snickers.
I'm sending you a dick pic. Ill tell the other ppl in this pancheros its cool
Don't send a pic of dick unless it's inside the burrito
I need my sock, sombrero, maracas, and I just heard I had a light saber, if thats the case...i want that back too
Considering I drank for you last night, do you mind picking up your half of the hangover
Randomize
