When I woke up his cat was sleeping on my face and i had scratch marks on my neck. not happy.
only room for one pussy in that bed.
it seems that i get a boner from just about everything now
i don't know whats more disturbing, that his dog drooled directly into my mouth or that i was too drunk and tired to do anything except let it be there.
I just hemmed my dress for halloween, never felt more like a man
you said "tonight pinky, we take over the world" and then came in my face
I kept reassuring him that I was easy like Sunday morning, not easy like "I've had 6 shots of tequila and haven't had sex in three months"
I didn't ride the struggle bus so much as drive it backwards off a cliff.
sitting alone on a bench with a sombrero and a bottle of vodka. really angry i got here before you guys.
The bend and snap? 98% success rate of getting attention. When used appropriately, it has an 83% rate of return on a dinner invitation.
Fucking shoot me with this y'all shit. You were in Texas for 2months you do not have an accent Madonna
If fixing it is ignoring it, and getting naked. Then yes we fixed it.
Bed, food, and you got really nice boobs. That's it really. Foundations of friendship right there.
My Dicks been hard all day. Poor guy isn't used to vacation being over
Should I go bust a nut on the beach
So I remember having an orgasm, but I didn't wake up next to anyone. Your dog is afraid of me. Is this a sick joke?
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