I woke up face down on my laptop with three windows open: itunes, chat roulette and redtube
if we break up, who will get the dealer?
I made a google map for "places I got blow jobs"
Said he made a playlist for taking a shit. only two songs on it are the Star Wars theme and "America, fuck yeah" set to repeat.
having my hair in braids makes puking so easy. i am being an indian every halloween
We played shuffleboard at the bar last night...another sign we are getting tooooo old.
Confirmed. Vegetarians give terrible head.
yeah its nbd she just bit me in the face. be there soon
I woke up to find his roommate face down on the couch with no pants on, with a sticky note that said "was lost but now am found"
If you're knocked up, we're telling everyone it's mine and that the power of our love overcame the inherent reproductive limitations of two vhagines.
Alright, who started the "how long till dereck gets deported from Australia" pool? I want in on that.
I know it basically makes me the worst feminist ever, but I don't want to kill my own spiders. And I will pay my personal spider hit man with sammiches and unlimited , uninhibited access to my vagina.
Just visited the liquor store.... for the 4th time today. shits gonna get weird
11:30 you texted me saying he was on his way. 11:37 you said, "Oh my God that was terrible."
I wonder how drunk we can get before Christmas Caroling turns into trespassing.
Randomize
