my best friend tried to rape me with a pineapple
so i told her that taking semen on the face helps make your skin smoother.
and?
luckily she was drunk enough to believe she had really bad acne...
Before he took my jeans off all he said was "no hard feelings from middle school right?"
He said I taste like butterscotch, licked me, then I'm pretty sure he wet his pants. So no, I do not want to invite him over.
get to allyx's house asap
Ok is everything ok
Yeah, theres just lesbians
omg yes on my way
I've never seen so many strippers at a funeral...
We'll wreck the fuck out of my furniture. How often does one really get the chance to fuck through a table with no negative consequences?
I've been randomly kik messaging bearded men I find on Instagram while sitting unshowered in my underpants. I'm like the girl version of a creepy uncle.
We are buying drugs from a guy with a Jesus fish on his dodge caravan.
So I come back home and a huge flock of enormous vultures are on my roof
They're waiting for you to die
You were mean to me and you broke my heart and hurt my feelings. You dont get to talk to me about Peter Dinklage
I just realized how terrible that was... I was drumming on your penis to a song about Baby Jesus.
Sleeping with him wouldn't be considered hoeing out... It seems more like babysitting.
burned my penis with a sauteed onion again.
I don’t have enough daddy issues for this shit, make him go away
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