the line at the liquor store is out the door, and students in line are high-fiving like crazy...i love college snow days
just found a sign outside my brothers door "not going to church, don't even try" and he is covered is vomit in his bed.
The hardest part of getting a new computer is deliberating whether to start the cycle of porn and viruses all over again.
Met the five year old's gym teacher for next year. He is an old drinking buddy and I used to fuck his older brother. It was like a walk of shame 20 years late.
Why do you keep getting laid in MY dreams
I knew his night was already over when he started marking lines on the bottle and setting goals
He's bringing condoms over for me in case we "bone".... the fact he calls it boning is not a great start.
Pretty sure I was rubbing Halloween candy all over my face and saying "these are my bitches."
The face that yo gabba gabba comes up when I'm stoned and searching for yoga workouts is scary or dangerous
That is was cool to fuck the single mother accross the street until every girl i bring home gets the car keyed.
I'm told I threw my cigarettes at the TV one by one Shouting about the cast of Community.
Since Josh is going to be Carl Sagan for Halloween, he bought a turtleneck and sportsman jacket. It's all my nerd fantasies come true.
You kept yelling "NO CAPES" at me for no apparent reason
She proceeded to flip everyone off then open a Heineken with her teeth.
Dick is dick. I’m not turning it down because he’s younger than me. Covid has been a real cockblock and I’m a woman with needs
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