she said it was okay because they were "professional" nude pictures of her on the internet
a hangover this bad deserves a feeding tube
some guy just walked up to the bench i was on, backflipped off of it, gave me his number and walked away....i love this city
The nurse told me they're using the same medicine that killed michael jackson.
There is a different car in my driveway. Have no clue how I got home.
What's bad is when she said "what hobo did you steal this dick from?"
So i just got guilted into doing a tequila shot by a group of guys chanting "USA!" at me.
Who was the girl that woke me up at 4am to tell me "there's an emergency, we need you to come smoke weed"
ERIN AND I ARE GETTING MATCHING VIBRATORS. I'M PEER PRESSURING YOU INTO JOINING THE CLUB. Besides we're the three best friends that anyone could have, you better not ruin that by being a pussy and not treating your pussy to awesomeness. That is all.
She kept calling herself DJ McDonalds and said she wanted to make some Egg McMusic.
Tune in tm morning for how to buy Plan B in a foreign country while coming down off ecstasy
He came back with a Butterfinger and vibrator batteries. There's no refusing him now.
We just had can't-look-you-in-the-eye sex and it was still surprisingly good
I wasn't supposed to sleep w him. So of course I sent him gps location to my bed.
Just saw a car towing a guy on skis drive by so that’s how Syracuse is doing today.
Randomize
