then they high fived as they party boyed me. I was a policewoman sandwhich. I love you halloween.
My grandma just told me that she sharted, no I am not having fun in El Paso.
These people keep looking at me like I'm the first person to ever eat ribs in a Home Depot.
I know for sure he's a bro because he closed the door so my gf didn't see me hooking up with her cousin.
I have never heard someone not give a fuck so poetically in my life. I feel like you should be leading men into battle with a speech like that
I am one Jewel song away from suicide watch
Dude if it is ever said "everybody get inside the police helicopter just showed up.". That means it was a successful party.
aha we'll just say that my mind was so focused on A Bugs Life that it was hard to maintain an erection
I couldn't stop laughing at the fact he was cutting lines with a sears card. What 24 year old has a sears card?
Nobody will take a lit match to your nipple without warning you this time. Pinky swear.
I sense naked hashbrown eating in my near future.
so go get some goddamn bacon and lay in his bed naked. he'll love it.
I gave you keys to my house and drugs. This must mean we're in a relationship.
Look fucker, my sensibility and attention to detail is the ONLY REASON you're not dead now
Drunk on wine at my parents house watching "RugRats In Paris". Comeatmeadulthood.
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