Did I get blown in the bathroom? Yes. Did she throw up cranberry juice on my shorts? Yes. Did she finish the job? Yes.
not my fault. i got her to believe he wrote an oasis song. he still managed to find a way to make sure no girl ever gets near his penis.
yes, the chronicles of narnia is exactly what happens when you do crack inside of a wardrobe.
You should have been there to see the look on her face when I told her that my dog gives better head than her. It was a beautiful symphony of shock, anger, and disbelief.
It feels like I've shaved away my winter coat and my vagina is going to freeze if I go outside.
tried to out drink an american air force weapons loader. never again
I feel like as your wife, as cool with your decision-making skills as I usually am, there should be a bigger explanation to you adopting a child while I'm in Houston.
They should just send me home - I'm literally doing nothing but watching porn and listening to pandora.
Bless her heart. Her stupid, drunk, adderall-ed heart.
I wish the guy I was sleeping with wasn't on house arrest.
I don't think my professor is going to remember the Halloween party... or the fact that he made out with a priest.
I feel slightly un-patriotic right now... I just got cock blocked by the Air Force!
Well I just saw a fully naked man doing a headstand in a cooler of ice water.
Good for you, kid with a beer in hand as you walk to your 11 am class.
I thought this was a dry campus.
That means you have to bring your own beer from home.
You passed out in my backseat like a legitimate infant. A really drunk, really horny infant
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