Food network will be on but we won't be watching
O by "watching" I mean "background noise"
I'm seriously so bored I'm seeing how many rooms I can masturbate in before I get caught.
Four. Poor grandma...
it was like brushing your tongue but with a fucking long toothbrush.
she just threw a smoke bomb in an elevator and ran down 9 flights of stairs to see it at the bottom.
Can you fuck me on the kitchen counter at some point? I'll lysol it after
Life is too short to have fake orgasms.
I just almost puked & then I panicked and forced it back down because I thought I would be a waste of the apple turnover I ate.. I'm that hungover
Omg I can't even...
I think we've gotten passed awkward... the day I woke up at the palms and ur getting eaten out by the dude who just fucked me on the balcony.
I think it was a smart move. Quickest way to get over a guy, hook up with his friends.
Every time we have sex, I feel his dick ramming my soul into submission. Problem is..... I LIKE THAT SHIT!
Have you ever been so drunk you pass out in the cab and everyone goes inside and forgets about you? I have
I made him watch the first 5 episodes of Game of Thrones before I decided to sleep with him.
I told him I was on my period but he says "I'm a doctor, you think I can't handle blood?" And just went for it. Jackpot
ill drive you to the airport today if we can have sex first
i left yesterday
ill pick you up from the airport on sunday if we can have sex after
btw...it's noon and i'm sitting here drinking wine and eating pixie stix. I really need to find something to do...
Randomize
