No, don't ignore my call, i just need to know, whats cuter a pig in boots or a miniature horse sitting down..
I woke up with a picture of my dick as my background. still wondering if it was a good night or not.
All I want for christmas is my sobriety back.
this bucketlist has just become an excuse for me to be slutty, and i'm not even ashamed
seriously when did my vagina become a soup kitchen for the poor
We woke up at 7:30am. We got a 30 rack, yelled at all the freshman shackers walkin back to their dorms, played a game of beer die, and boned all before 11:00am. I found my soulmate
He showed up to a baby shower and kept telling everyone he was late because he was pregaming. And then tried honking the pregnant girls tits
There's so much mac and cheese stuck to my foot right now
If you recall, I made a Zoolander reference almost immediately after you pulled out of me the first time we had sex.
Can u pick me up? Lost my keys.
Sure. FYI- you "lost" them on the roof, trying to throw them over the house.
So help me God.... if he sends me a dick pic.... I will make it so he has to eat food through a tube in his nose and poop into a bag by his belly button
So this morning everyone commended me for puking over the porch. No one else made it that far...
Just slather his penis with BBQ sauce
We should get drunk in walmart
when?
20 minutes ago
Side piece definitely knows about my GF. Said it was sexy when I go commando, then left me pantsless in the club bathroom
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