I only kidnapped one of them. chill
When i light up a cigarette people look at of like i'm going to pee on their children.
She's helping me study for the final by writing the vocab words all over her body.
Fist pumping is hard when country music is playing FYI but I am committed
and I'm going to name my autobiography "blow jobs with enthusiasm are the best"
I'm naming my autobiography "Reasons Not to Date Girls From Texas."
Id like to know where dora the explorers parents are when she goes on all these crazy ass adventures
i'm drunk and confused. there might be a 4 year old here.
I just woke up to find the whole kitchen sick had been converted into a gravity bong.
The liquor store was handing out free shots of some new expensive vodka, but they caught on the fourth time we came back in different outfits. Politics.
Apparently, his doctor was impressed with how well we took care of his leg. We're like the kings of naked triage.
It's basically the same plan, only step one gets revised to "look hot enough that he forgets I fucked his roommate"
That edible kicked in right as I was upside-down on that rollercoaster. Fucking.mind.blown.
I may have taken the entire adderall. I FEEL LIKE THE FUCKIN HULK. I can't stop cleaning and organizing and doing the clean things
I'm to childless and to single to be asking myself why I'm so sticky
I think next time I give head I'm gonna try making the chewbacca noise.
I look forward to it
Randomize
