I've been congratulating people on facebook about their forthcoming pregnancies. I can't wait to see how this plays out
if she mentions anything about chili and my phone, just go with it
i just licked mashed potatoes off my blackberry. i'm not even ashamed to admit that to you.
I think I would be able to remember how to smoke but I can't seem to remember how to breathe.
Do you think he woke up this morning, looked at you, and then regretted everything?
I just walked by a party bus on my way to study. God hates me.
Just found an unopened tied g of coke on the floor in her room... she thinks the maintenance guy dropped it earlier today. This takes the cake for sketchiest apartment.
He bought segways. We ride them when we get drunk. Last night he ran through the sliding glass door.
And I also succeeded in getting kicked out of a bar when I was drinking straight from the vodka bottle at our table.
We were hunting our best friend with a BB gun in the backyard. I'd say the vaporizer was a worthy investment at this point.
Sometimes you've gotta crawl to stay concious
There were 7 of us cowering in the kitchen because you were swinging a giant, pink double headed dildo around like a nunchuk and hitting anyone who came near you with it.
It's all fun and games until you have to pay the bar tab.
DETAILS
long story
just tell me the parts i wanna hear
weed, brooklyn, rough sex.
You are, as of last night, the self declared king of pooping. Long may you reign.
Randomize
