There could not be a more unattractive person. She just told me her period was so bad that she got sick. I think my penis retracted and killed himself
he likes ron paul.... that's all i'm going to say....
Santa Clause just drove by me on a fire truck. Epic night begins.
If you bang a chick other than your girlfriend while playing tiger woods on xbox I wonder if an accomplishment would come up...
I've never been so happy to start my period. I'm gonna let everyone in the store see me buying tampons.
I heard that if you win you get to have sex with me. You guys really need to stop wagering my vagina.
dude she was so drunk she thought Jim Joyce made the right call
You need 4-7 business day to recover from a fingering like that.
So I found where you barfed in my house. Just wanted to let you know that my cat barfed on the kitchen floor in a show of solidarity
Yeah, reverse cow girl. She was on top and I was playing Flappy Bird behind her back. Easiest way to have angry sex.
I'm high. The text bubbles floating do no justice to the underwater experiences
He said he discovered the mysteries of the universe inside an orange... I want whatever he was on.
you ass-dialed me while you were fucking my ex.
that was on purpose.
I woke up to rachel asking "did anyone else fall out of a tree last night?"
no no no no you can't just say your dirtiest secret is "i sat on goldfish by accident once" and just leave i have QUESTIONS
AT LEAST TELL ME IF THE GOLDFISH WAS STILL IN A BOWL??????????????
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