She said she couldnt do it today but shed make it up to me next week
stick it in her butt and if she asks, say that thats what you thought she meant
before you smothered your pizza in mayo you blotted it with a napkin saying you were trying to watch your fat intake
No, you dont understand, he literately fucked me into a new hairstyle, quite nice too.
Will you please bring me a line of coke at work without asking questions?
Also I have uncooked pasta. I was hoping that could get cooked at your place. Don't ask about the circumstances that I came into ownership of uncooked pasta
There's a black statue of liberty dancing on the side of the road. Please hold while I join him.
His grandpa picked him up. Brought him to the house. And made him clean the puke off the driveway with a broom and a bucket of water.
Omg last night I was giving shots out like I was the Willy Wonka of the alcohol world.
I'm trying to find a fanny pack so I can bring pizza on my run
I'm so upset I left my sombrero at the expo center
I gave her two orgasms and then we laid there and she ate jelly beans out of my belly button...that girls a keeper
I have got to stop telling people I was almost a prositute every time I drink
I forgot to respond before, I was apologizing for confusing sex with secret Santa.
the universe is starting to freak me out.. ive now had sex with 3 people who were born on the same day..
Just a heads up that Dad just brought home a new Porsche and the sales girl he bought it from.
Umm okay. What are they doing?
They’re in the hot tub
Can I get divorced when I grow up?
Randomize
