HE had a tribal tattoo tramp stamp, jasmine.
we were dressed as cave people and he kept telling everybody i was so easy a caveman could do it.
Did you wake up with "jello shots" stamped on your hand too?
no, literally. he fb chatted me and said "since you're online i figured we could bang tonight?"
This beer is not sobering me up at all
Well i tried snorting sugar. so either that made me puke or the fact that i drank water from a fish tank
I'd say I should re evaluate my life choices, but I'd make the same decisions only faster and wearing a push up bra.
My sister was not impressed when she got here. I was standing in the doorway in my underwear drinking a beer. At 2pm. On a Monday.
I know how I'm going to make my fortune.. designing an icepack made specifically for the vagina.
It wasn't so much skinny dipping. It more like skinny walking...through a fountain.
The last thing I remember was wearing a sombrero and trying to do cartwheels in the club
You did one successfully. Then smashed into the wall
We're like adult pinky and the brain when they decided that taking over the world is unrealistic so they aim lower by trying to get drunk every day.
I woke up and he already had a joint rolled waiting next to the bed. Love.
Are you ok? Who pooped in my office?
QUIT BEING A BITCH, DRINK SOME PEPTO, AND PUKE ON OUR FOES
Randomize
