I wanna passion pit in your ass
is it considered a "problem" when you find a pickle slice in your bed in the morning or is it like a "super-awesome bonus"?
Why do you proceed to call me "Queen La Queefah?"
My 54 year old father just sent me a YouTube link on my school email titled "Walrus sucks his own dick" and then wrote in the email "I wish I were a walrus". What the fuck is wrong with my family?
she said she was gay. i said prove it. she said "ok i wont fuck you"
we weren't quite sure what was on that mirror, so we snorted it and hoped for the best
You're making her cookies in enchange for knitting lessons. You will die a virgin.
Apparently you can coat check a keg.
he had a beard, sexy nerd glasses and kept referring to his penis as 'this dick' its like jesus was saving my perfect match for my prime
Pretty sure I was impersonating Rihanna when I kept asking him what my name was while we were making out
I was eating leftover taco bell in bed at 3 in the afternoon. I can't throw any stones
His favorite stripper is going to jail. He's taking it pretty hard
Accidentally mixed my gin with cold brew coffee instead of cranberry juice. It’s bad. But I’ll finish it. Never leave a fallen soldier.
I just snorted sandwich everywhere.
I hope it smells nice :)
IT DOESN'T BECAUSE I HAVE MEAT COMING OUT OF MY NOSE, DAMNIT.
You know he wants it bad when he starts going door to door for condoms.
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