She made fun of how I walked so I announced to her boyfriend that I have cum on her face before.
So I guess I passed out face first on the ground while trying to grill last night
apparently i told her i wouldn't press charges if she brought me food.
Theres a midget tsa agent. Just an observation
Well for starters the people who just made my burger at the grab and go just told me to "hang in there"
winnie the pooh came out of nowhere and offered me a burrito...it was a fucking amazing burrito.
He kissed my hand AND my forehead. I don't think this virginity business is for heartless whores like us.
I'm not sure if I should be proud of you for having morals or disappointed in you for letting your sex life get this sad.
Stripper just cleaned my glasses with her nipple...
I went to a community college and majored in Bad Decisions. I'm not exactly a chick magnet.
Just saw my ex AGAIN. The constellation of gays must be at some sort of weird point with Mercury.
so we just got back from swapping peoples patio furniture around to different patios. some people might like unexpected change. others might regret living on the ground floor.
We couldn't leave for the bar until he spent 10 minutes adjusting his vaporizer. I want to drown him in beard oil.
It's a family event: you have to drink. No way around it. Its the law.
So a bottle of lube exploded all over my softball bag and Nike shirt.
Randomize
