So I just almost came on my own face I had to dodge it as it was flying by...that was a first
were having a shit on karen session at work but then she walked in so we used code names instead and she tried to join in like she knew them
Do you remember that blonde girl he brought home from the bar on Friday night? She didn't leave until Monday afternoon. We didn't even know she was still in his room...what a sketchy weekend.
Bad news. I lost my teeth. Good news. I can still take a guy home sans teeth.
Did you ever get our sex tape out of the rental car before you returned it?
at one point he was caressing me in the kitchen asking me my name over and over again and then asking what my favorite continent was
The great thing about skinny blondes is that they're all interchangeable.
Just paid a $5 cover at a bar I stumbled by so I could puke in a toilet and not in public.
Get dressed, I have 50$ and you need a new beer pong table since we threw yours off the 8th floor last night.
i was drinking at the bar last night with a guy with no bottom teeth, wearing zubas and a polka dotted hat. if that isn't the definition of wisconsin, i dont know what is
We had three bowls going. It was a tri-bowl tournament. Harry potter shit.
Next time she asks for a ride to her "cousins" house and it turns out to be a booty call we're charging her for each mile.
They started shooting fireworks out of a dryer. It was my cue to leave.
No fair. I need a fuck buddy to entertain me till the power comes back on
She gave me a collar. When I asked what this was for she replied "I'm taming your dick"
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