I'm too tired to go all the way tonight, especially if you're going to quote Katy Perry at me during
There are beer cans & oyster shells along the side of the road. I belong here
Yes my plan is to drink the college out of me so i can be an adult by monday
i probably shouldve stopped when i uncurled the curly straw in my cocktail because it was slowing me down
No, fuck buddies don't get birthday party privledges...
Sorry.
javelin tossed one of my crutches in to the mosh pit at the concert, hit some dude in the temple hahah fuck him he sucks
People were running around punching out the ceiling tiles Super Mario style.
Well. I guess talking about me stealing your wife may not be in the list of legit conversations
The last thing I searched on my phone was "leave in conditioner on cats." This is where my life is.
If God invented something better than rough, drunken, lesbian sex he kept that shit to himself.
I'm about to have a bowl of Advils... without any fucking milk.
I bought a mink out of the back of some guy's van on my walk home from the bar yesterday
I WOULD NEVER MIX DICK AND MCDONALDS
Talked a police officer into driving us the 1/2 mile home from the bars because we didn't want to walk. I never knew the back of cop Cars had plastic seats.
I cannot believe I am seriously having a conversation about my best friend's sexual prowess as a dream lesbian.
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