she just waddled down the stairs behind me and puked and kind of reached for me but i sped up. does that make me a bad person?
idk, i just don't think periods are something you can catch in a little cup.
he was holding his dick in one hand and my boob in the other and i looked down and thought, this is my life
He told me that "my little fuckpig" was a term of endearment in Britain. I think I'm in love.
You beat him at the shot competition, and proceeded to rub it in while telling everyone to "ASK ME A MATH QUESTION!!!"
We shaved off his eyebrows I'm pretty sure his fiance will be thrilled at the wedding
WHEN THE FUCK DID MCDONALD'S DECIDE TO QUIT SERVING BURGERS AT 1:00AM?
I would peed on everything
I need all the beers. I want to be holding on to the grass so I don't fall off the earth drunk.
Cant get off the floor. Need more beer. Send help.
He suck his junk in my HALF BAKED. Ben & Jerry would totally disapprove. This is worse than sticky dick donut day.
As a rule...I don't sleep with my friends or watch movies with talking dogs
Today, this cop risk his life to save me from a sink hole but all I could do is laugh, I was so stoned
he told me he had a gf and in the very next sentence asked if I wanted to have sex.
We were drunk at 3am with no food. I sent him to the lobby with ninety cents for like a bag of chips and I swear on my life he came back with a meatball sub
...did you ask him where he got a meatball sub at 3:00am?
He just kept mumbling something about being a hunter/gatherer
Oh AND he got us two bags of chips.
Flirting with/getting ready to possibly sleep with a married HS classmate and getting added to a bible study group chat within minutes of each other. #Balance
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