Would it be quicker to bike the freeway home?
were you the shorter or taller girl out of you two
Sometimes I kiss girls just to make them shut up.
if my college career had corporate sponsors, they would be natty light and aim toothpaste.
So I'm looking through your google history on your laptop and you have 'is ketchup even remotely nutritious' and 'alcohol with fewest calories but highest alcohol'. What new fad diet are you on because I feel like we could do this together.
Guess who just hooked up with the cop that fingerprinted her?
It was only 12:11 and I needed to make a Pepto Latte and call it a night, I don't remember that being part of my new years resolution.
You passed out and she managed to carry you all the way back to your dorm last night. I believe your testicles now her property.
I got a phone call from security asking me to do my laundry wearing more than a blanket next time.
thats the 2nd threesome ive been accused of this week
Well Its not like I planned having my potato launcher explode and burn off my eyebrow and eye lashes.. I still have my right eyebrow can't u just be happy?
Do not ever chug tabasco sauce.
my roomie eats chipotle far too often. when i was looking for a bag to throw up in I had my choice of a wlamart bag and 10 chipotle bags
She looked like a cross between Jesus and John Lennon. So I fucked her. I feel majestic and powerful.
No one can explain why there is Dora the Explorer shampoo in my shower...
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