Fine. I'll sleep in my office
I'm so fucking pissed that I wasted my shooting star wish on him and his little penis.
the girls on my floor started fighting over who got to keep the random hoodies that boys forgot in my room after sex
getting kicked in the face by someone doing a keg stand. just my luck
I'll see your cousin, and raise you a sister.
It'll be a Christmas-Fucking-Miracle if we get through the ceremony without a groomsman vomming
You showed them your nipple for dollars for the jukebox. You were depressed because only one of your songs played. Oh then you twisted your ankle and blamed it on your mad stripper skills.
No shame in my game.
your life is going to be an empowering working mom montage tomorrow to Katy P's ROAR... --are you living in a yoplaít comercial?
YOU JUST GOT OUT OF THE HOSPITAL AND YOU'RE ALREADY DRINKING?!
Like if Ohio doesn't think I can get smashed on wine I will gladly prove them wrong
Look, he's a hot korean guy with a motorcycle and a great ass. I'm gonna do head-titingly kinky shit with him.
As your friend, I promise I will drink a full bottle of vodka and belly slide down the stairs with you if that test is positive
Fuck the library it's too quiet and makes me uneasy. I feel like I'm so isolated I should take off my pants or something
I just woke up in his bed.. in a cardboard castle, with a Justin Bieber poster on the ceiling staring down at me, cuddling with 4 empty PBR cans. I win.
Is that strawberry winking at me??
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