I cut holes in my blanket and put my arms through it. It's the sleeveless "Bro Edition" Snuggie.
You taught me that having a dip while u shit is awesome. I appreciate u for that
He' s half Black and half Italian, I finally asked...this penis maybe one for the records.
Birthday was great, I got entirely too drunk and made really poor life decisions. It was everything a birthday should be.
She said i saw her in the study room, waved, disappeared, came back with a coke from god knows where, and slurred "i have a drinking problem but i ate grits"
What's life without a lamp shade you wore home?
low point in my life last night. licked pizza grease off my iphone screen..
Fuck these runners passing me on campus as I'm waking to dinner. With my huggie. With flavored vodka and rum. Aka yum
we're drinking bellinis i mean god's titty nectar
this case of pbr just wont end. i keep finding more.
The time to say "now you can't go and be strange about this at work" is not as you are penetrating your coworker. NOW its awkward
idk how I feel so profoundly understood by someone whose latest tweet is "labia majora's mask." but I do.
I opened my bookbag to put my laptop in and I found two granola bars and a pregnancy test. I am clearly prepared for life
Asking for a friend: is it frowned upon to eat pizza while you materbate or does it just mean you are fantastic at multitasking?
What shade of lipstick clearly states, I'm only attending this wedding for the drugs and groomsmen?
Randomize
