So he says "lean over this" which is a chain across the doorway, held into the wall with bolts. I do. Then he puts his weight on top of me to try and get it in.
It breaks. We fall.
I now have a broken nose, a concussion, and an infected, split lip. Why do I have the worst luck in guys?
my vagina's been through so much this weekend
you mean so much has been through your vagina this weekend?
I'm having sex on a snuggie, yes i stopped to text you
Turns out vomit takes off spray tan.
Just had to explain to a senior manager why I had duct tape residue on my wrist and hand. This weekend was a success.
She's a Laker fan, her sister is a Celtic fan... no matter who wins I'm getting a celebration bj from one of them!
peeing off your aunts pourch into the koy pond seemed like a good idea at the time
He put used condom on the handle of the plunger in the bathroom.
An outback commercial just played and I remembered that guy from Australia Imade out with at the Derby. Great Bachelorette Party, btw.
I think they make you graduate because you get too old to go hard and become a risk. homecoming weekend wins again. fuck.
Totally just drove past you riding your bike. I was like damn, that looks like a cute little hipster boy, and then I realized it was you and that I'd already banged you and it kinda made my day. I hope you're well. Come over soon?
God fucking bless the man who invented the vibrator. Bless him and all his descendants. I think I saw the face of God tonight
You opened the door to your apartment and shrieked "THE CHAIR IS GONE!" then punted a bag of votive candles
sex on a bike is impossible
challenge accepted
I've been drunk texting you for weeks, and you watched me puke outside your house... I say it's time we meet in person.
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