You're a womanizer and a bitch.
im pretty sure there are laws against slapping prostitutes
i'm pretty sure there are laws against prostitutes.
Midget Michael Jackson impersonator dancing to Beat it in Penn Station almost caused me to miss my train. God, I
what you doin?
I just woke up vomited poured myself a chocolate milk and turned on the peoples court. you?
reread what you just wrote and reconsider your entire life
She put up a picture of her grandmother on facebook, looks like the lazy eye runs in the family
I think I just fucked my first person born during the Clinton administration
I'll try not to. I have an appointment at the hospital tomorrow so my goal is to wake up there.
Dude that bathroom stall was not tall enough to be doing lines in, guys kept peeking over and giving us high fives
I'll report later on the progress of the mountain orgy
I don't know if I want to cry scream puke or go somewhere and drink more. This is such a weird emotion.
make that a herd of moose. they will be my moose minions
I mean I only got hit in the ass with ONE firework
She was chasing her shots with beefaroni and I think I fell in love.
If you break up with me one more time it's over.
just saw a kid waiting at the door of the stairs for the elevator. there is no elevator in this building. get on his level.
Randomize
