she was drooling, sharted in her sleep, rolled over stuck her hand under the covers pulled it back out, smelled it and moaned and rolled back over. i almost added puke to the disgusting bodily fluid category.
My mother just asked me if i ever swallow the goods...should i be concerned?
If I die, I leave all my liquor in my apartment to you. Be a drunk bitch at my funeral. I wouldn't want it any other way.
sometimes i feel like my only option in life is to be drunk or be a cat. today i am drunk
your blue lips and tongue was their first indication you were probably underage
HEY THERE IS NO AGE LIMIT ON BLUE SLUSHIES
Of course I will... FYI I just gave my balls a crew cut.
I feel like I was dropped out of a helicopter. Through the propeller.
I'm wearing a dinosaur hat bikini cone bra over my shirt. So good things are happening
Get up, biotch, before I come traipsing in there to rip apart whatever god-forsaken spoon you have going on between the two of you and your dog.
I can assure you I didn't go home with a girl, because I woke up on someone's porch
Tis the season to play Pocahontas! (AKA: Eat a bunch of acid and run around the yard barefoot, the first person to see the colors of the wind, wins!)
If you gave someone an std. would you say a muffin basket, a candy gram or an edible arrangement is a better choice to send them?
I forgot wine drunk hurts
Yupp. He's definitely a screamer.
How... how did you get Adam Lambert's shoes? Does he know you have them? DID YOU STEAL ADAM LAMBERT'S SHOES?! Oh my God I am so turned on right now.
Randomize
