Sometimes I think my vagina thinks its a penis.
omg i can't drink anymore.. i just pulled up my dress and started playing with my vagina
Do you ever think that bumblebee is the gay transformer?
Every day of my life.
Did you ever feel like going into a planned parenthood and performing an abortion in front of them?
Umm..who the fuck is this?
Oh shit
Nothing like a Mormon bachlorette party to make you feel slutty
I ended up on the roof were calling it a tie
I feel like an ass. I'm not blacking out ever again. I want to clean your feet for a year. Just like Jesus did.
This is the minute she broke up with me. If you're receiving this mass text, you are one for the girls who made me promise to text you at this point.
Also I just learned you, Samantha, and I three-way made out at my Halloween party. News to me.
THE PRUIS IN YOUR DRIVEWAY IS NOT YOURS
excuse me?
I accidentally borrowed your spare keys a while ago...i just tried them...that, my friend, is not your car.
He legit watched "Cops" the entire time he was fingering me.
He had a flex off with himself in the mirror but he thought it was someone else for at least 20minutes.
Shut up. I hate you. We're doing shots tomorrow. Fuck the consequences.
After dropping your phone on the ground you got down and sat with it, kissed it and apologized for being so mean
home. only unpacked the necessities...contact case and beer.
Randomize
