I gave my ex the dutch oven last night. How was your night?
you were convinced that if all her tampons were gone her period would stop, so you started eating them.
He gave me an orgasm with his left hand...and he's right handed. Of course he's a keeper.
My life has literally become a dickpocolypse. Thank you, summer, I missed you.
I need a DD tuesday morning around 9 AM
I'm scared to ask why.....
1st bikini wax. Jose Cuervo is helping me prepare.
If your relationships aren't working out because she doesn't have a penis THEN maybe you should give dudes another go
i cant wait to be back in my element of drunk, on a barstool, ive missed home
The bed I'm sleeping in has a headboard only handcuffs could love. I'm gonna pick up a local dude and wreck that.
She was into my hawaiian shirt and id never made out with a dinosaur... I feel like it worked out for everyone
I met a pornstar at his bachelor party and signed his shirt giving him wedding advice
You don't know how skeptical I was about letting a guy with braces go down on me
He told me I had smoking hot areolas then he wins an executive of the year award. How does that even happen?
Is it weird that the girl I'm fucking just wished me luck on my date tonight?
Taco Bell is better for you than cocaine, I promise.
I’m getting back at my ex and training my new boy toy how to properly satisfy a woman. I’m killing two birds with one dick.
Randomize
