his mom walked in while I was blowing him. he turned around in panic and accidentally punched me in the face. i have a black eye and only half the clothes i came here in. can you give me a ride?
I am totally the chick from Intervention who barfs up wine and then re-eats it.
wouldnt it be awesome if walks of shame were like charity walks...you could get sponsors and shit and donate money to curing STDs or cancer
He went down on me and then slapped my ass saying "thanks for the confidence boost"... is this all I'm good for?
Who faxed a picture of their penis to the office printer?!
I miss waking up knowing you're passed out under my bed.
He is stood at the top of the stairs nursing the stolen cat
Her boobs felt like beanie babies from heaven
Well my sober pact lasted almost an hour. Then I did four shots. But in other news, one of those shots I took with a midget. So like I couldn't turn that shit down.
Let's say hypothetically if you were going to put icing on a penis and then lick it clean...what would you ice it with? Not a knife right?
You puked on yourself, then demanded to take shower. In which you kept saying "its raining"
That sad moment when the drawer I used to keep condoms in now has poptarts in it..
Is there something wrong with us? Seriously.
Possibly, but I'd rather not fix it.
Money making scheme, blow job proof mascara. Waterproof is bullshit
he had a bulletproof vest and a pocket full of lollipops! how was i suppose to say no.
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