He just asked me if his big had a curved penis. Awkward? I think so.
She's been drinking and was roller blading. I'm sure you can do the math
She called picking up at 2pm a matinee drug deal.
Sarah likes to play this game where she leaves her thongs at every party. she hides them where hopefully gf's will find them. I caught her naked from the waste down in my freezer this morning
We are winners. And by winners I mean home wrecking sluts
Isn't that what our 20s r for?? Testing the strength of other people's shitty relationships?
Let's get one thing straight; we aren't in a relationship. We fuck and occasionally go to subway.
Totally sleeping on a bloodstained mattress tonight. I love life's little adventures.
Oh my god I peed in a park last night and then tried to set off fireworks with a group of middle-aged men
You're getting spoiled, you better send me at least a side boob pic if you wanna see my dick dressed up as Davie Crockett.
I would of joined had I not blacked out last night and ran around naked breaking things till 4 am
He wants to take me instead of his girlfriend to the happiest place on earth... By that He meant Vegas. My morals are just loose enough to think this is a good idea
Welp. June's off to a great start. I just ripped my pants, completely sober, at 10:30 p.m.
It wasn't until I lost my earring that I realized "I've been here before". Turns out we fucked a year ago. We've decided to make it a tradition.
How did I get home last night?
We put your keys on a lanyard that asked anyone that found you to bring you home. A nice man in a cape, green shorts and a mesh shirt dropped you off this morning.
Oh. Yeah. Riiiggghhht
I think I deserve an award for the breakup text I sent him. Like a pulitzer prize or a donut or something.
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