wow... just woke up to find out that the OJ we used in my bong last night was poured back into the carton
I am not deleting the internet history anymore, now I am going for shock value.
I'm like 99% sure I made out with Kevin Spacey last night. Not good.
Just think, if your stepsister would've gotten knocked up 2 years earlier, she could've had a TV show. What a bitch.
Congrats to the girl that left her positive preggo test in the bathroom...
We are lost and the only things we have are peanut brittle, cookies and vodka. I think we'll make it.
No i'm not calming down the girl at white castle did not need to see the picture of my dick on your phone.
Everytime the frat boy touches his bro's ass after making a cup take a drink
He tried to finger me at Disneyland! He tried to taint the happiest place on earth!
Hurry there's four guys dressed up as a bachelorette party, one has a condom veil and the rest are selling candy bouquets and asking if anyone wants to get laid for $5
We just saw two bitche in pink capris jazzercising down the road. On Thanksgiving.
Her vagina is like the upper echelon of Scientology and I don't have enough money to get in
She was doing drunken zumba and screaming "FUCK YOU I HAVE MY OWN STYLE!" at the TV
Promise me if ever I think I can't do anything, remind me that I waxed my own butthole
Never thought I’d use my computer science degree for teledildonics, but here I am
Randomize
